In the words of the great Dave Simon, "Shoot myself in the face."

So my "audish" as we like to say in a snooty voice in the music world was kind of dumb.  Let me rephrase that.  I am kind of dumb.

First of all, I go to audition and see that the guy auditioning me is not the full time sax guy, but rather the "guest lecturer" sax guy (according to the UI website), which means he comes on campus once in a blue moon to help give the program a good name.  The guy auditioning right before me sounds really really really good, and I think he's only a freshman.  Great.  So I go in and he has me play a couple of scales, which I wasn't planning on doing, but whatever.  I play the D diminished scale just fine, but then he asks me to play the Eb melodic minor.  Now that would have been great except that my brain decided that he'd said Eb harmonic minor, which is awkward to finger on the sax.  So not only do I play the wrong scale, but I screw it up too.  At any rate, he doesn't bother to correct me, and I don't realize what I've done until after the audition.  So next, he has me sight read this tune and improvise on it.  So I did that and was feeling pretty good about it when he asks me if I recognized the chord changes I'd just played, and my mind goes totally blank.  I know that I've heard these changes a million times and so in my nervous state I start mixing things up in my head and saying random tune names that aren't even close.  Finally he tells me "Another You."  I'm retarded.  So then he asks me what I want to play for him and that he has backing instrumental recordings to like any song.  "Just Friends" I say.  "Do me a favor and look it up on the list on that wall and tell me what volume it's in."  Now I'm staring blankly at the list and I can't think of where J is in the alphabet because I'm still thinking about how I can't believe I couldn't think of the name of that tune, and I'm making noises "uh... um..." as he waits.  Finally I focus and find the tune, but start panicking a little because it says the recording is in a different key than I've been practicing.  "Oh, well that's one you should know in two keys, at least," he says.  Again, I feel retarded.  But then, "Oh, I don't think I have that one anyway."  Great.  That was the tune I had really high hopes for.  "Do you know any Benny Golsen tunes?"  Uh... no.  "Okay, how about 'Stella?'"  I've been working on that one, so I agree, but I've been practicing it as a ballad and he's only got it at medium-up.  Whatever.  So my stressed brain is starting to check out again now and I start missing the changes that I've played who knows how many times.  Now my brain is on another planet and he wants me to play a final tune.  Well, the audition instructions said I was expected to know "All the Things You Are," so I suggest that one.  He gets this look on his face like "If I hear that song one more time I'm gonna..." and says, "yeah, you could do that... or how about Giant Steps?"  Swell!  I would just love to play that infamously difficult song with the Jamey Aebersold play-a-long which everyone knows takes it even faster than John Coltrane's original recording.  "Um, I don't think I'd be comfortable taking it at that tempo."  "*sigh* Alright... well then I guess let's just do All the Things You Are."  The recording starts with the intro, which I can't remember because I never perform it with the intro, so I just stand there looking dumb and he's looking at me like "what's wrong?"  Luckily it's a pretty short intro, and I come in at the head.  So I get done, and we talk for a few minutes, but I just want to get out as fast as I can, which I do, forgetting my mouthpiece cap of course, which I come back for later and find out he'd chased me down the hall to give it back to me but didn't find me.

In retrospect, it wasn't THAT bad.  It could have been worse.  He had some nice things to say.  I just let my nerves get ahold of me and I got flustered with all of the little things that kept going wrong.  It kind of sounded like I might get accepted, but that I probably shouldn't bet on any financial aid.  I haven't auditioned for anything (besides for Dr. Watkins every semester, which doesn't count) in like 10 years, and never for anything very important.  So I'm hoping that this will help me for my audition at Colorado next weekend.  The good thing is that I'll be backed up by a live rhythm section then, so none of this having to rely on stupid recordings.  It was a learning experience.  It's always good to get your butt kicked now and again to remind me that, oh yeah, this is no game.  I've got work to do.